DiGiorno, Do the Right Thing

A plea from Dr. Dog's Eric Slick to become the official song of DiGiorno Croissant Crust Pizza

Are you aware of the DiGiorno Croissant Crust Pizza? Eric Slick is.

After DiGiorno cluttered his social media timelines with ads for the flakey pizza, the Dr. Dog/Lithuania/solo artist took note of the fact that DiGiorno seemed to really want him, and him specifically, to eat that pizza. After DiGiorno confirmed this, Slick did the rational thing, and asked the pizza brand to make his song "Closer to Heaven” the official song of DiGiorno Croissant Crust Pizza.

But, DiGiorno took the spineless, cowardly route, and stopped responding to Slick as soon as he presented them with this opportunity.

Slick was persistent, and followed up with DiGiorno throughout the week. They had clearly made a mistake. Maybe some pizza wires got crossed.

He also got some help from friends, including the dude from The Lumineers (who turned out to be the GOOD 2010’s folk revival band), to right the wrong.

But still, Slick’s phone sat quiet – not a single buzz from DiGiorno.

And that’s their loss, really. “Closer to Heaven,” off Slick’s 2020 release “Wiseacre,” was one of my favorite songs last year. It features the amazing Natalie Prass, who happens to be Slick’s wife, on the chorus hook. It’s smooth as hell, with just enough retro, nostalgic timelessness to fit into any marketing campaign. Any joking aside, it would be totally at home in a pizza commercial. I can hear that chorus while I picture cheese being stretched out from a flakey crust.

What frozen pizza company wouldn’t want a … piece … of this action?

I needed to get to the bottom of this. So, I spoke with Slick myself, to at least learn a little more about what it’s like to be ghosted by a premier pizza brand when the partnership potential is so clear to everyone else.

Brendan: First, can you give people just a quick background about your ongoing campaign to make your song "Closer to Heaven" the official song of DiGiorno croissant crust pizza?

Eric Slick: Of course. I’ve been getting targeted ads from DiGiorno as long as I can remember. It makes dieting very hard. The pandemic has been tough, y’know? I thought that maybe it was time to join forces. “Closer to Heaven” is probably about pizza. I can’t control my subconscious. I read recently that the brain will always trick you into doing what it wants to do. Therefore, I started maniacally tweeting at DiGiornos. It’s a desperate way to keep my album cycle going.

Why do you think "Closer to Heaven" in particular is the most appropriate tie-in for croissant crust pizza? What is it about that song that should make listeners relate to a flaky crust, and vice versa?

Look, pizza is heaven. When I was a child I used to imagine living in a house made of tomato paste and fontina. The cheese would surround me like a warm blanket, a hug infused with pasteurization. I think most of my songs should make people think of living inside the pizza mansion. Perhaps it’s the mansion of your mind. I love croissants too, although there is no way to look hot when eating a croissant. Crumbles everywhere.

You've gotten some support on Twitter from friends/fans to make this happen. How does that feel, and what can other people do to try to make this dream a reality?

It feels amazing. I need everyone to rally together. I don’t want them to shame the company, but I want them to understand that I need this.

Do you eat DiGiorno regularly? (It's important to note that this is not 60 Minutes, and you can lie all you want for the sake of capitalistic endeavors.)

It happens more often than I think. It’s nice to have a couple of nights when I don’t cook. I cook everything in our house, so it’s refreshing to sit back and let the rising crust bloom.

How does it feel to have such a seemingly reputable company like DiGiorno ghost you after clearly showing interest in you and your talents as they relate to selling their own products? Does that diminish your drive to partner with them at all? Or does that game of hard-to-get just make you even more determined?

I think they’re afraid of success. World domino-ation. They’re afraid I’m gonna pitch an Impossible Burger pizza that will sink the Nestlè corporation. I’m vegetarian, so it’s gonna be complicated.

If there's anyone from DiGiorno reading this, what would you say to them to make sure they understand what they're missing out on in this artistic partnership?

Free pizza for everyone. Feel the pressure, GIORNO.

Should DiGiorno continue to ignore you/the people and never use "Closer to Heaven," do you have any second choices for brands you'd like to partner with, while we're on the subject? If so, why?

I think it would pair well with any other targeting companies. Keeps. Nutrafol. Disney+. Chip and Joanna. I don’t give a shit anymore. I want people to hear my album.

Anything else you'd like to add on the subject of pizza, Brand Twitter, "Wiseacre," etc?

“Wiseacre” is gonna be reissued and hopefully this all helps.

Turns out the real flake wasn’t the crust. It was DiGiorno.

Today’s Snakes and Sparklers musical guest is Frances Forever.

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